Deal with it.
When someone we love hurts us, it stings so much deeper than anything else. We’ve opened our very souls to that person. We’ve poured into them. We’ve made ourselves vulnerable to them. When they do something hurtful to us that’s why it stings so badly.
How do we deal with it?
That’s the million dollar questions, isn’t it?
Dealing with pain is difficult—and painful. If it were easy, we’d all deal our pain and be happy and the world would have no conflict, right?
Well, we all know that’s not possible. We can only do the best we can with what we have.
I think our gut reaction to dealing with people who’ve hurt us is to hurt them back. Some people spend lots of time planning out how to hurt someone back, and the more they can hurt the person the better.
Let me tell you, friends, that’s going to hurt you more in the long run. It may feel good for a bit, knowing you’ve hurt someone back as much as, or more than, they’ve hurt you, but it won’t last long. Then it will likely turn into regret and shame. Which means that much more processing you’ll have to go through.
A couple of things I’ve done that have helped me are, writing them a letter to get all the feelings and thoughts out of my system.
Makes sense I’d gravitate to that one since I’m a writer. Now I may or may not send the letter to the person, but at least my feelings are out. I can shred it, tear it up, burn it, or send it. But whatever I do, I can move forward and not stay stuck in my hurt and pain.
Another option, if it’s safe, is to talk face-to-face. This one is super difficult. Facing off with a friend or family member who’s hurt me is hard. I get my words choked up and my emotions rob my thoughts. Sometimes I’ll write down what I want to say and read it to the person. That’s a great option as well.
One key thing, though, is to listen. You might have plenty to say, and that’s fine, but you have to listen as well. There could be a misunderstanding that you need to hear.
Remembering one key phrase will help, too. And I want you to say it with me. “I am not perfect.”
One more time.
“I am not perfect.”
If we aren’t perfect, then we can’t expect anyone else to be perfect either. Accepting that helps lessen the anger a bit, too.
Hang in there, my friends.