When I’m faced with something uncomfortable, one of my first instincts is to run. Avoid the discomfort.
I think it’s that way for a lot of people. It’s difficult to stay and talk things through. To try and find middle ground.
It’s easier to keep distant. Keep the issue out of sight. Because out of sight is out of mind right?
We actually focus on it more, but what happens is we focus on all the bad and hurtful things that person has done to us. Then, as we focus on the bad stuff, the incidents get worse and worse because my anger builds and builds.
Kind of like what happens when you catch a fish. Each time you tell the story, the fish gets bigger and bigger. The struggle to land the creature morphs into a feat as big as landing a shark.
I know I’ve had my fish stories for sure. I think lots of people have.
Why is that?
I believe it’s because in our anger and pain, we zero in on how bad we have it. How bad things are. How hurt we are and it builds. Intensifies. Bleeds into everything.
We forget all the good things we had with that person. All the good memories. All the love and support shown. It’s almost like the anger and pain blot the good stuff from our memories.
It’s easy to focus on the hurt and anger and all the bad. It’s safer. It’s like a protective shield around your heart.
That’s a lonely place to be.
I know when I’m stuck in my anger and hurt, I have to consciously remember the good things. I have to work at seeing it through the thick, heavy anger.
But for each good thing you look at, a crack in the anger appears. It allows some light in. If it takes you having to write down one or two good things about the person you’re angry with, do it. Each day focus on a couple. Crack through the wall a little at a time.
Hopefully sooner than later you can work through your issues. Because you just never know how quickly the chance to make amends with someone you love might be taken from you through an unexpected tragedy.
So stop running.